Past, Present, Future | Nowhere Apparent (AD, CC) | Season 2023 | Episode 1

♪♪ ♪♪ ♪♪ ♪♪ ♪♪ ♪♪ ♪♪ ♪♪ ♪♪ ♪♪ ♪♪ ♪♪ ♪♪ ♪♪ ♪♪ ♪♪ ♪♪ ♪♪ ♪♪ You there.

What took you so long?

[ Grunts ] [ Sighs ] Mama.

Mama!

Send them upstairs.

I want the coffin to be white, but the inside to be red.

Mom, Mom, wait!

Don't go!

Oh.

That's not my mom.

My mom is dead.

Do you think that's why I'm like this?

Because I'm like her?

Do you think I'm like my mother?

Is that what you think of me?

Because I'm dramatic?

Because I'm dramatic?

[ Crying ] [ Pages fluttering ] Do you have Instagram?

I do.

Blehhh.

[ Chuckles ] Follow me.

[ Sighs ] Do you read the news?

I was reading the news and I thought, "Oh, my God."

It's so horrifying.

And there's these new news sites that it's new news, but it all says the same thing.

[ Light laughter ] And, um... [ Sighs ] It's all really horrifying and getting worse, and I thought, "Don't read the news, you know?

DOn't read the news!"

[ Laughs ] That little boy in that poisonous lake.

And the diseases.

All the disease.

And you can't have money unless you already have money.

And the weather?

You can't stop it.

Have you ever been snowed in?

I was thinking about that volcano and those people eating lunch and then they were... ash.

And I'm starting to feel sick again.

And so...

I keep saying to myself, "Don't read the news."

"Don't read the news."

And then I do.

Read the news.

♪♪ ♪♪ ♪♪ ♪♪ ♪♪ ♪♪ ♪♪ ♪♪ ♪♪ ♪♪ ♪♪ ♪♪ ♪♪ ♪♪ ♪♪ ♪♪ ♪♪ ♪♪ ♪♪ ♪♪ ♪♪ ♪♪ ♪♪ ♪♪ ♪♪ ♪♪ And that's why you're thinking I'm like my mother.

She told me this would happen.

When she was dying, I was holding her hand and she said to me, "Tragedy follows you."

What a moment, right?

And that's why I make movies.

I've already cast the two leads and I've shot some of it already.

♪♪ ♪♪ I'm your sister.

And now you're here.

I hope it's okay.

I wouldn't have invited you if it wasn't okay.

I really appreciate it.

I'm happy to have you here.

Is it just...this?

It's just this room.

I know I seem... you know, not right, but I, um...

I want you to know that I'm working on it.

I'm working on myself.

You've always been working on yourself.

You need to let go.

Be more positive.

I... feel like what I need is just to lay down.

Just stare out of the window.

Stare at a wall.

Nothing, no sounds.

Just quiet.

♪♪ I remember when we were growing up, you would stay in your room all day with the curtains drawn.

It's not healthy.

We need to get you outside.

The dark is comforting to me.

Maybe it's not healthy.

Maybe we could go for a hike later.

What about your foot?

It'll be fine.

You're fine.

I don't feel well.

The skin is peeling off my hands.

It's just dry.

Put some moisturizer on it.

[ Voice breaking ] Moisturizer doesn't help.

And it's starting around my eyes.

It's around my eyes.

Look.

[ Rain pattering ] ♪♪ ♪♪ I've missed you.

I've missed you, too.

It's just us now.

They're gone.

Are they?

Yes.

Our parents are dead.

Our parents are dead.

I don't think about them anymore.

They're buried or burned, whatever we did with that.

I don't think about them at all, and I do think about them all the time.

I think I see my father in my room, hunched over, staring at me.

I get out of my room and I go to the stairs.

My mother is laying on the stairs, smiling.

I run out of the house and I get in the car and I'm smoking cigarettes and I'm listening to music from childhood.

I drive fast.

I think about getting in a car accident.

I think about a piece of metal piercing my chest.

Or maybe it's worse.

I'm broken, crushed, shattered.

Breathe.

[ Inhales, exhales deeply ] Forgive.

Forget.

Breathe.

Cleanse.

Aerate.

Burn.

Torture.

Anguish.

Inheritance.

Infection.

Illness.

Disease.

Death.

Darkness.

Darkness.

[ Beeping ] Thank you so much.

Woman: Alright, welcome to the neighborhood.

Thank you.

Thank you so much, too.

Remember that little town?

It was, um...

Uh... Stuff on the trellis and the milkman and the egg person.

And, uh, uh, there's stuff on the trellis and um, oh, here comes -- [In British accent] Here comes the egg person and the milkman.

And Mrs. Webb is getting breakfast together, And, um..." You know, I was in "Our Town" three times.

I played Wally One-Liner and then I played the Stage Manager and then I played the chorus director who's the guy who kills himself.

I can't remember his name, but... [ Lighter clicks ] That says something about something, doesn't it?

And Emily is like, "Mama, I can't find my blue ribbon."

And her mother is like, "Emily, you come down here now or I'm going to beat you."

And Emily is like, "Oh, okay, Mom.

I'm -- I'm coming.

I'm coming down."

And Emily comes down the stairs and her mother turns and goes, "Red.

I knew it'd be red."

"It's pink, Mama."

And then her mother goes, "Why can't you give me the respect I'm entitled to?

Why can't you treat me the way any stranger on the street would?

Because I am not one of your fans?"

And then Emily's mother jumps on her and she's like, "Ahh!"

And Emily's like, "No, Mama, no!"

And where is Emily's father?

Well, he works at the local newspaper.

Jack: Thank you so much for coming to speak with us today.

Sure.

When is the last time you saw them?

Last time I saw them would have been after their presentation at the New York Public Library of the Performing Arts for the AIDS Oral History Project.

And did you two talk at that point?

We saw each other briefly after the show, but we didn't really speak.

When was the last time that you actually had a conversation with them?

We spoke in 2019 when they were working on the AIDS Oral History Project.

The experience of working with the AIDS Oral History Archive brought up a lot for them, things that they had already been processing through their life, through their work, of what was or rather was not available.

And both in terms of mentorship, funding, etcetera.

And they also were experiencing a kind of crisis, I guess I would say.

Voices they were listening to in the AIDS Oral History Project -- those dancers, those choreographers would be speaking to them.

And so when you saw them in January 2020, how did they see them at that point?

Well, as I said, that was after the showing, so we only spoke very briefly and then we lost contact.

Though I heard they had gone upstate and were... there.

[ Lyrical music playing ] ♪♪ ♪♪ ♪♪ ♪ I've been out on that open road ♪ ♪♪ ♪ But you can be my full-time daddy ♪ ♪ White and gold ♪ ♪ Singing blues has been getting old ♪ ♪ You can be my full-time baby, hot or cold ♪ ♪ Don't break me down ♪ ♪ I been traveling too long ♪ ♪ I been trying too hard ♪ ♪ With one pretty song ♪ ♪♪ ♪ I hear the birds on the summer breeze ♪ ♪ I drive fast ♪ ♪ I am alone at midnight ♪ ♪ Been trying hard not to get into trouble ♪ ♪ But I, I've got a war in my mind ♪ ♪ So I just ride ♪ ♪ Just ride ♪ ♪ I just ride ♪ ♪ Just ride ♪ ♪ Dying young and playing hard ♪ ♪♪ ♪ That's the way my father made his life and art ♪ ♪♪ ♪ Drink all day and we talk 'til dark ♪ ♪♪ ♪ That's the way the road dogs do it, light 'til dark ♪ ♪ Don't leave me now ♪ ♪ Don't say goodbye ♪ ♪ Don't turn around ♪ ♪ Leave me high and dry ♪ ♪♪ ♪ I hear the birds on the summer breeze ♪ ♪ I drive fast ♪ ♪ I am alone at midnight ♪ ♪ Been trying hard not to get into trouble ♪ ♪ But I, I've got a war in my mind ♪ ♪ I just ride ♪ ♪ Just ride ♪ ♪ I just ride ♪ ♪ Just ride ♪ ♪ I'm tired of feeling like I'm...crazy ♪ ♪ I'm tired of driving 'til I see stars in my eyes ♪ ♪ It's all I've got to keep myself sane, baby ♪ ♪ So I just ride, I just ride ♪ ♪ I hear the birds on the summer breeze ♪ ♪ I drive fast ♪ ♪ I am alone at midnight ♪ ♪ Been trying hard not to get into trouble ♪ ♪ But I, I've got a war in my mind ♪ ♪ So I just ride ♪ ♪ Just ride ♪ ♪ I just ride ♪ ♪ Just ride ♪ ♪♪ [ Ringing, distorted music plays ] ♪♪ ♪♪ ♪♪ ♪♪ ♪♪ ♪♪ ♪♪ ♪♪ ♪♪ ♪♪ ♪♪ ♪♪ ♪♪ ♪♪ ♪♪ ♪♪ ♪♪ ♪♪ ♪♪ ♪♪ ♪♪ ♪♪ ♪♪ ♪♪ ♪♪ ♪♪

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